Deathography
When I was five, my grandmother passed away in hospital just before Christmas. She had been in the hospital for some time and was very elderly. As my sisters and I were at school, we could only visit the hospital at the weekend, whereas my mother and father would visit during the week. At weekends my sisters and I would be given the choice about going to the hospital with our father to visit, or to stay at home. I often chose to stay at home. I understood that my grandmother was old, however I did not understand how ill she was.
When my grandmother passed away, I felt guilty that I had not chosen to visit her. Although I knew that my grandmother had been ill for some time, I had not understood that she was coming to the end of her life, and it had also not been explained to me by the adults. I knew that death was irreversible, however because her death did not impact on my daily routine as my parents sought to maintain normality as far as possible. I found that my life continued as usual, without any major interruptions..
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In the week leading up to my grandmother’s funeral I saw my father crying and remember that seeing my father cry made me feel both frightened and upset. I felt upset because I had never seen my father cry before, and I realised that he was suffering greatly. As a result of this, I tried to behave well at all times as I was worried that my actions would cause my father to cry again.
I felt frightened because although my grandmother’s death had not had a large impact on myself, I could see that it was having a profound effect on those that I cared about………..
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